Advice on when to give advice

[andrealynnj]

I went to a party last night with a friend. She introduced me to the hosts. A wonderful family, dad, 9 month pregnant mom, and 2year old girl, born "normal" then in her first year started to have grand mal seizures. Now at two she is severely developmentally delayed, has a flat affect much of the time, limited attempts to make eye contact, and little to no efforts at communication. How much of all of this is from the mysterious neurological problem that started the seizures and how much is from the heavy drugs keeping the seizures at bay is unknown. They recently were told definitively that although the doctors have no idea what is happening or why it is happening, they are confident that it will always be happening and that this dear child will never be capable of living independently.

Imani was taken with this little age-mate who was so different from herself, and cried when she was taken to bed. Perhaps that is why her mother opened to me to tell me so much. I had just met these folks so I just listened and offered no platitudes or suggestions. What indeed could I say.

Back at home, I relayed how much meeting this little girl had affected me. My fathers girlfriend who is a nurse said she knew an excellent homeopathic doctor who might provide new insight in a city not too far from the one where this family lives.

I want to send this referral and the cd SHINE to this upbeat young mother who seemed so strong and positive and so in love with her daughter. But I know that "Shine" made me cry listenting to it and I can only imagine how it will touch her. And I don't know any more about their medical caregivers than what was shared over chocolate fondue. She may be deludged with referrals and suggestions by well meaning but unhelpful interposing people. I don't want my emotional reaction to her family to add even one iota to her burdens. But I also don't want to deprive her of a referal that she might want to explore if she had it, or a song to cry to if she wants to cry.

Does anyone have any thoughts to share? I will do nothing unless this forum's consensus is otherwise.

[Kei_as_in_K]

What struck me is when you said that at home you relayed how much meeting this girl affected you.
To me, 'Shine' is an extremely emotional song, and though it does bring me to tears, it's more because it's a song that helps share how I feel~ Lucy will do what Lucy will do when Lucy is ready to do it~ it's just very re-affirming for me, even though it does make me teary eyed.
The question I ask myself when I am unsure of what to do is, "Will I regret it if I don't ______" In this case, if it were me and someone had affected me, I would send along a note and the cd along with a recommendation.
You could reword a little of what you wrote here~ reword as though it is to her
I want to send this referral and the cd SHINE to this upbeat young mother who seemed so strong and positive and so in love with her daughter. But I know that "Shine" made me cry listenting to it and I can only imagine how it will touch her. And I don't know any more about their medical caregivers than what was shared over chocolate fondue. She may be deludged with referrals and suggestions by well meaning but unhelpful interposing people. I don't want my emotional reaction to her family to add even one iota to her burdens. But I also don't want to deprive her of a referal that she might want to explore if she had it, or a song to cry to if she wants to cry.

That's my 2 cents.
Hugs!

[jenml]

In this case, if it were me and someone had affected me, I would send along a note and the cd along with a recommendation.
....That's my 2 cents.


My two cents to Kei's... do it.
A thoughtful, meaningful gesture. You obviously were a good listener, and they must know that it is coming out of love. I think they'll get it. And maybe they need to cry. I cry at that CD, but sometimes when I listen to it I feel sad, and sometimes I feel hopeful... different feelings. It might help them (at least to think and get some feelings out in a positive, hopeful way...)

I think it's a wonderfully thoughtful idea, and with the best intentions.

And I might keep the attached note super simple, like "thought you might enjoy this CD..." and then maybe a line or two of what it means to you.

There. Now you have $.04

[mrupp]

I agree with Kei and the others that you should send a thoughtful note and the Shine CD. There is not one here with a special needs child that Shine doesn't speak to.
In my personal experience, the support and "advice" that came from people that walked the uncommon path meant soooo much more to me! Sharing from your heart can only be a blessing. And if she is not ready for it yet, it will be there when she is.
Bless you for caring!

[andrealynnj]

I knew I could get excellent and thoughtful advice here. I will order Shine today. That means if anyone wants to weigh in counterpoint, I will still be listening.

Thank you,

Andrea