dmmetler
11-22-2005, 12:59 PM
I got this from a special education discussion board-enjoy!
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As the parent of a child with special needs, I have
experienced my son being given many labels and diagnoses by
both the medical and educational community: physically
challenged, seizure disorder, etc., while I, on the other
hand, have been given just as many, if not more, labels,
albeit unofficially, by everyone from doctors, school staff
and relatives, to the nosey checkout lady in the grocery
store. Here are just a few I'd like to share:
Terrible Palsy - A condition in which onlookers and people
in the community tell parents how terrible life must be
raising a physically challenged
child. This condition manifests itself through pity and
audible sighing of those around you. Terrible Palsy can be
deceiving because you can be asymptomatic for weeks,
months, or even years, and then just when you and your
family are feeling really good about your child, it can
present itself in the form of a condescending pat on the
head or a blessing from an anonymous busybody. Best known
treatment is to carry a list of snappy comebacks in your
pocket or a large bag of peanut M & Ms.
Shlepilepsy - A compulsive condition in which parents feel
the need to shlep from doctor to doctor and specialist to
specialist in order to seek help and find answers for their
child with special needs. The only known effective drug
for this illness is caffeine, primarily given to parents to
keep them awake while driving to and from appointments.
Oughtism - This condition strongly affects the guilt center
of a parent's brain. Oughtism is transmitted by doctors,
professionals, and therapists who constantly and
relentlessly tell parents "you ought to do this...you ought
to do that..." for your child. The only known treatment is
to temporarily unplug your phone, gather information, and
trust your own gut to do what's best for your child.
Oy Vay D D - This condition is usually diagnosed by mahjong-
playing lady friends of your mother or mother-in-law upon
hearing of your child's disability. The best known
treatment for this condition is to avoid economically
priced restaurants between the early-bird hours of 4:00 and
6:30 pm.
Nonverbal yearning disability - This condition affects many
vulnerable parents with dreams for their children. It
manifests through knowing what you desperately want for
your child, but when no one acknowledges the possibilities,
you question yourself as to whether or not you actually
spoke your desires out loud. Suggested treatment is to
tape record your school meetings and play the tapes back to
an impartial witness.
Dystrustia - A disability that usually flares up at school
conferences and IEP meetings, in which everything the team
is telling you doesn't make sense and seems to come out
backwards. The only known effective treatment for this
issue is a spy cam or a FOIA equest/documentation.
Pain in the Aspergers - This is a label usually given to
parents like myself by school staff. It is often assigned
to conscientious Moms and Dads who advocate strongly for
their children with special needs. The most effective
treatment - keep up the good work.
OHI/Otherwise Heavily Intoxicated - A label given to
parents so stressed by their child's health issues that
they seek to self-medicate. My own suggested treatment -
substitute chocolate.
Auditory due processing - An issue affecting wronged
parents in which everything they are told by the District
makes them realize they need to file for Due Process. The
most effective treatment is to talk to a special education
attorney ASAP.
------
As the parent of a child with special needs, I have
experienced my son being given many labels and diagnoses by
both the medical and educational community: physically
challenged, seizure disorder, etc., while I, on the other
hand, have been given just as many, if not more, labels,
albeit unofficially, by everyone from doctors, school staff
and relatives, to the nosey checkout lady in the grocery
store. Here are just a few I'd like to share:
Terrible Palsy - A condition in which onlookers and people
in the community tell parents how terrible life must be
raising a physically challenged
child. This condition manifests itself through pity and
audible sighing of those around you. Terrible Palsy can be
deceiving because you can be asymptomatic for weeks,
months, or even years, and then just when you and your
family are feeling really good about your child, it can
present itself in the form of a condescending pat on the
head or a blessing from an anonymous busybody. Best known
treatment is to carry a list of snappy comebacks in your
pocket or a large bag of peanut M & Ms.
Shlepilepsy - A compulsive condition in which parents feel
the need to shlep from doctor to doctor and specialist to
specialist in order to seek help and find answers for their
child with special needs. The only known effective drug
for this illness is caffeine, primarily given to parents to
keep them awake while driving to and from appointments.
Oughtism - This condition strongly affects the guilt center
of a parent's brain. Oughtism is transmitted by doctors,
professionals, and therapists who constantly and
relentlessly tell parents "you ought to do this...you ought
to do that..." for your child. The only known treatment is
to temporarily unplug your phone, gather information, and
trust your own gut to do what's best for your child.
Oy Vay D D - This condition is usually diagnosed by mahjong-
playing lady friends of your mother or mother-in-law upon
hearing of your child's disability. The best known
treatment for this condition is to avoid economically
priced restaurants between the early-bird hours of 4:00 and
6:30 pm.
Nonverbal yearning disability - This condition affects many
vulnerable parents with dreams for their children. It
manifests through knowing what you desperately want for
your child, but when no one acknowledges the possibilities,
you question yourself as to whether or not you actually
spoke your desires out loud. Suggested treatment is to
tape record your school meetings and play the tapes back to
an impartial witness.
Dystrustia - A disability that usually flares up at school
conferences and IEP meetings, in which everything the team
is telling you doesn't make sense and seems to come out
backwards. The only known effective treatment for this
issue is a spy cam or a FOIA equest/documentation.
Pain in the Aspergers - This is a label usually given to
parents like myself by school staff. It is often assigned
to conscientious Moms and Dads who advocate strongly for
their children with special needs. The most effective
treatment - keep up the good work.
OHI/Otherwise Heavily Intoxicated - A label given to
parents so stressed by their child's health issues that
they seek to self-medicate. My own suggested treatment -
substitute chocolate.
Auditory due processing - An issue affecting wronged
parents in which everything they are told by the District
makes them realize they need to file for Due Process. The
most effective treatment is to talk to a special education
attorney ASAP.