Jun 15 2007
When People Stare
I know it can be overwhelming when you have a child or children with special needs. In the beginning I felt like I had to fight for everything for Leah. Every meeting was like prepping for battle and I started to notice how I took that attitude with me once I left the meetings as well. People are curious and they are going to stare and if you are lucky, they will ask questions. I finally put down my guard when I noticed that even I felt awkward asking other families questions about their child with a disability. I started cutting strangers some slack and took the opportunity to educate them. Plus, it’s incredible what comes out of other people’s mouths, and I started writing them down. Things like, “She’s too cute to be deaf!” or “Wow, one is deaf and the other has spina bifida? You must have terrible genes!” I figured that there might come a day when I could laugh about it. (I guess that’s now!)
Though my all time favorite comment was from a little boy who taught me not to judge the words from strangers and showed me so clearly that I am often the one adding meaning to what they say…
Lucy has hydrocephalus and her head was noticeable larger as an infant and toddler. One day I was at a taco stand, late picking someone up from the airport. Baby Lucy, 7 months-old, was balanced with her head on my shoulder and I was on my cell phone trying to get the flight status. This young boy, maybe 8 years-old came up and said loudly, “Your baby has a big head!” I ignored him and continued balancing Lucy, the phone and waiting for tacos. I was wishing he would go away! “Hey lady! Your baby has a big head!” he said even louder this time. The blood was rushing to my face and I wondered why parents forget to teach manners nowadays. I hung up the phone, got my bag of tacos and spun around to face him. He looked in my eyes and with complete sincerity said, “Hey! Your baby has a big head. I bet she’s going to be VERY smart!” I couldn’t even respond. I went back to my car and cried.
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
2 Responses to “When People Stare”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
First, I have to say I’m so juiced to find your blog! Love, love, love Signing Time. I can’t tell you how much they have helped our family.
Second, I can really relate to this post. Our daughter has multiple challenges and is visibly different from other kids her age, which makes for lots of stares. Some times I can just ignore them, but other days I feel my irritation levels rise very quickly. I’m trying to be better about introducing Abby to those people who can’t do anything but stare… it’s hard when they just don’t have a clue.
It’s not so bad when they smile. I love the story about that little boy’s sweet comment.
Thanks for blogging!
Patty
http://www.abbyandjosiah.blogspot.com
This post makes my heart ache. My son is profoundly deaf in both ears. Accepting it is a long drawn out process. You know…the denial..the anger…the mourning…eventually the embrace. And you don’t go through these steps just once. After almost three years, I am usually in the embracing stage…but there are experiences that can snap me to another step at a moments notice.
My 3 year old son now has bi-lateral cochlear implants. I will willingly stand in a store, on the street, in the halls at church, where ever I am to talk to someone who questions me about those “things on his ears.” I love to talk to people about my son, I am so proud of him!
What I hate are the people who stare and talk. They must think that I am deaf, too. My worst experience was shopping in Walmart one evening when two teenage boys walked by and one said to the other…”Dude, did you see that freak? He has wires coming out of his head!” I was crushed and speechless at the brutality of his words!!!
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I often think of what I should have said…what I should have done. My greatest comfort though is that 10 years down the road that young man will be sittin in an audiologists office somewhere, evaluating his options on how to deal with his hearing loss because he destroyed his hearing with that triple digit decibel, window shaking, vibrating bass of his car stereo when was a teenager. He won’t consider my son a freak anymore!!!