Some of our kids are super friendly and have no trouble making friends. And some of our kids are super shy, and for them, making friends doesn’t come naturally. In this season of starting school or getting into new activities, it can be both exciting and a little scary for our kids, especially when they’re meeting new people. And yet, no matter how shy our kids are, friendship is simply another skill. And like any skill, friendship can be learned, practiced, and encouraged. So let’s look at some ways to help our young kids make new friends.
Why Friendships Matter for Our Kids
Our younger kids’ friendships are about more than just playtime. They help our children to develop important social and emotional skills like empathy and cooperation. Friendships help our little ones practice communication, especially learning how to ask for a turn and learning how to properly express feelings. Our kids’ friendships can help them build self-confidence as they connect with others.
Our kids’ friendships don’t have to be profound and deep. It’s OK if they’re really simple. Even the friendships that involve playing tag at recess or building blocks together in a classroom can lay the groundwork for healthy relationships later in life.
Common Challenges Kids Face When Making Friends
While every child is different, many young children find similar challenges when it comes to making friends. It’s common for them to feel shy or to experience some separation anxiety when they are in a new place with new people. And we parents have all experienced our preschoolers’ difficulty in sharing or taking turns. We know this can be frustrating for our kids. There can also be difficulty in communication simply because of their limited language skills. Then there’s also the feeling of being left out, another common response when things start to get overwhelming.
We can recognize that these situations are just kids being kids. And recognizing these challenges can help us gently guide our children through them.
Skills You Can Teach at Home
Introductions
So how do we guide our children through the challenges? The best way for kids to learn social skills is through practice. And our homes are the perfect safe spaces to learn these new skills. To help our young kids make new friends, we can try some role playing at home. Maybe start with role playing some introductions. Work with your child to practice the simple introduction, “Hi, my name is ______. Do you want to play?” or “Can we build this together?”
In our Baby Signing Time series, there’s an episode called, “Let’s Be Friends.” And in our Mother Goose Club Sing and Sign series, there’s a fun song about becoming friends. These could be good resources to help you as well.
Taking Turns
Then, it can really help to practice taking turns. We can do this with board games, toys, or even through playing ball outside. These activities help our kids to learn to wait for their turn, to let playtime go back and forth with another person, and to be patient in waiting for someone else to throw the ball.
Expressing Feelings
We can also use role modeling to help our kids state how they feel. It can help to start with pictures of facial expressions, and then we can help our kids put words to their feelings. Another great way to help our kids express their feelings is to use signs. It can feel so much safer for a young child to sign a feeling rather than saying it out loud. There is a section about feelings in our free Signing Time Dictionary to help you learn some signs that can help. Let’s help our young kids make new friends by helping them be able to say, “I feel _____.”
Listening Well
And then there are listening skills. This is less about role modeling, and more about just modeling good skills for our kids to follow. So let’s be good listeners, letting other people finish speaking before we jump in. Let’s show our kids how to listen well. We know that when children see these skills modeled by us, they’ll be more likely to use them themselves.
Real Life Practice
While role playing can be helpful, friendship skills will need some real-life practice. Here are a few gentle ways we can help our kids connect with other kids.
First, start small. Let’s see if we can set up small playdates before heading into large group activities. And once our little ones are comfortable in smaller groups, then we can head to the library story times and playground meet-ups.
We can encourage our kids to use those Introductory conversation starters we worked on too.
As we start working on friendships in real life, we will find that they don’t always run smoothly. This will, of course, feel disappointing for our kids, and that’s okay. Our children need to learn how to handle both connection and conflict.
So let’s validate our kids’ feelings when they feel left out or disappointed. Let’s encourage their resilience by reminding them that it’s OK if someone doesn’t want to play. Break out those problem-solving skills and work out what to do if someone says no or doesn’t want to play. And then, there’s the option to step back and let them practice handling the situation themselves. It’s going to have to happen at some point. Let’s arm our kids with the tools they need.
Learn to Be a Good Friend
We can’t help our little kids to make new friends without talking about being a good friend. Again, let’s be the best examples of this for our kids! Let’s model kindness in our homes and in our everyday interactions. Let’s include people, and let’s teach our kids how to include others.
Friendships are important for our kids, but they don’t happen overnight. So let’s practice with them, encourage them, and let’s help our little kids make new friends. These small steps today can build the foundation for positive, healthy relationships for our kids as they grow.